Little Lark of London

“All great advertising flows from the jingle”

Written by Mike B. Breen and David Rafailedes and directed by Wesley Taylor and Alex Wyse, Cellino v. Barnes tells the story of Ross Cellino and Steve Barnes, two personal injury attorneys who formed a law firm in 1998, appropriately named Cellino & Barnes, which rose to fame with its earworm of a jingle and became infamous for the fallout between the two men, ending in the dissolution of the firm in 2020 and the death of Barnes in a plane crash later that year. 

Don’t go into Cellino v. Barnes expecting a dramatic reenactment of the exact moments that led to the fallout between the two men. The show is self-described as a “darkly comedic play” and the conversations between Cellino and Barnes in it are imagined. That’s not to say that there aren’t moments of truth throughout the show. I particularly loved the references to Kenneth Wagner and the infamous McDonald’s lawsuit, with Cellino keeping a copy of “Liebeck v. McDonald’s” hidden within a Playboy magazine and treating it with a religious-like reverence. There is also truth in the loan shark accusations, though these are played in a comedic manner with Cellino drawing sharks (he’s not the smartest of the two attorneys). There are also some slightly serious moments, including some interesting points made on the ethics of advertisements for injury lawyers, but these points are brushed aside for sillier moments. 

Eric William Morris and Noah Weisberg respectively take on the titular roles of Ross Cellino and Steve Barnes, with a slip handed to audience members as they enter informing us that Tatyana Smith will be in the role of Stage Manager for this performance. The set, designed by Riw Rakkulchon, makes the audience feel as though they have stepped into a chaotic office, with boxes and boxes of files piled up around the stage. Morris is slightly terrifying as Cellino, bringing an absolutely unhinged and manic energy to the man who is desperate to please his father while also trying to make a name for himself. On the other hand, Weisberg is quieter, but that doesn’t make his version of Barnes any less interesting – in fact, it leads to several moments in which Barnes is a bit too into the law. Weisberg has several fun moments as Barnes as well, particularly during his dramatic soliloquies that Cellino acknowledges, questioning the change in lighting and music as Barnes gives passionate speeches. 

Morris and Weisberg are a fantastic pair, playing off each other’s energy in a way that brings the energy of the show as a whole to another level. Barnes begins as a fan of Cellino, being in awe of his presence as he interviews for a job with Cellino’s father’s firm. While Morris’s Cellino is the more bombastic of the pair, often jumping and shouting, Weisberg has some great physical comedy moments as Barnes, often striking suggestive poses as he and Cellino scheme. A highlight of the show is the interpretation of how Cellino comes up with the (in)famous jingle that catapulted the two to stardom, the light hitting him as though he is being given the melody by God, violently hacking up the lyrics as Barnes watches in awe. This leads to a hilarious bit in which Cellino and Barnes begin filming advertisements and making plans to put their faces on benches all around the tristate area – something I was surprised to learn that was unheard of before the pair began. 

Throughout the show there is plenty of homoerotic subtext to be found – there were several points when my friend and I looked at each other and wordlessly asked, “Are they about to kiss right now?”  Indeed, several scenes in the show feel like a rom-com and one could almost imagine the duo skipping through a field as rose petals fall around them. But, all good things must come to an end, and the relationship between Cellino and Barnes is no exception. We witness the fallout between the pair as Cellino is related to dealing with menial tasks like setting up a vote for the colour of the toilet and Barnes schemes to bring the company to the next level. A great bit has the two men airing their own solo commercials and sending one another passive-aggressive memos before their final confrontation. The previous subtlety of feelings that might be more than platonic between the two is gone, with one accusing the other of sleeping with another lawyer they see as competition, Mattar, who “is so lucky that his name rhymes with car.” As I wrote in my notes, “Subltety = gone.” 

Unfortunately, if you are unfamiliar with the names Cellino and Barnes before seeing the show, it is highly unlikely that anything that happens over the eighty minutes will make sense. My friend I took to see the show had no knowledge of the pair before going in and, based on our discussion afterwards, understood very few of the jokes, though she did enjoy the show! There are also some scenes that grow quite repetitive, making one think that the eight-minute runtime could have been cut down to a solid hour that could be performed on the fringe circuit – though I struggle to see it going down that path with the need for the audience to know about two personal injury lawyers from Buffalo, New York. 

Ultimately, Cellino v. Barnes is a fever dream of a show that will make some sense to those familiar with the pair and absolutely none to those who don’t live in the tri-state area. As one of the characters puts it, “It’s hard to know what was real and what wasn’t.” Indeed, the play mixes fact and fiction making for an absurd and silly show that shows just how far some men may go to get their faces on benches.

Cellino v. Barnes runs until 26 January at AsylumNYC. For more information and to purchase tickets, click here.